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^^ [12 Sep 2007|09:42pm]
yay. I'm ordering Fabala tomorrow night!!!!

YAY!! ^^
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you know what's really bad? [05 Sep 2007|08:53pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Having a nice art project to work on, and yet not having the correct subject matter to do it on. I just CAN'T think of anything. I was going to do fuan in that kimono, but the more I look at it, the less I like the idea. 

And to make matters worse, I read Sylvia Plath. My beautiful, sad, idol.

So you know I'm depressed in the soul right now.

and my new sketch book is MISSING. I can't find it, and I had drawn this gorgeous picture in there, and now I'll never get to finish it because it's GONE. I know I had it tuesday after school. Where it went from there, the world will never know.

If you read this, I beg of you, comment (or whatever you feel is necessary) on where you are this weekend. I want to talk to you so badly, and I'm keeping watch on slsk, here, and everywhere!!! >.<

I missers you.

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PLEASE LOOK AT THIS IT IS IMPORTANT!!! [01 Sep 2007|10:54am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Directed at Carolyn!

I can't go to the movies anymore! >.<

Mom's decided we need to go and clean my grandfather's house today and go and check on him. 

So I can't go anymore!

I'm SO-SO-SO-SO-SO sorry. >.<

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Just to dispell this unhappy mood thing that's been going on... [29 Aug 2007|08:57pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]


oh yes. Be afraid.

I want to call Jessie, but It feels like it's too late...but I want to talk to her so badly...
I miss you.

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I don't think I've cried this much in a LONG time. [19 Aug 2007|10:13pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I'm utterly....just sad.

I had to go to the XOXO meet today (which is the charity mom, steph, and I work for). We had to see Eddie (Mom's old boyfriend from high school who is a recent family friend. Well, last night was also's Mom's 35th high school reunion at Shaw. Eddie was supposed to pick her up at 7 and she's literally been excited and planning what she was going to wear for like, a month. Well, he calls at 6 and says he's going to be late because of work...


And mom was like, "don't worry about it" when i got all pissed off and started to curse Eddie like I never have anyone before. But apparently, it brought back alot of her old high school memories. Mom was a cheerleader her 9th grade year, but  she didn't get on the squad 10th grade year and she was pretty much alone (partially because of Uncle Coale being sick all the time.) And she wouldn't go by herself to see those people.

Well, today, when we went to the meet up, Eddie comes up to me, and hugs on my shoulder and whispers, "So, is your mom made at me about last night?" And I swear to god, I wasn't even thinking when I responded with, "Not nearly as mad as I am."

....Not good. 

When i finally told mom about it when we were about to leave, she turned around and said she was going to say goodbye to everyone. But as she turned, I heard her say, "you ruined everything."

Needless to say, it crushed me. So the whole way home, I cried my eyes out. Everyone reading this knows that I have never been a truly confrontational or bold person. So I automatically responded with regret and beat myself up. Well, mom tried to comfort me and managed to get me into semi-hysterical sobs instead of full on hysterics.

And all was well, for about 2 hours.

It's most likely my fault for even mentioning it to her in the first place, but I had to do it. (btw, today was Hawaii day, and it's pretty much been the subject of all conversation.) Okay, To give you guys some background, Mom is dead set on Kana staying home for Hawaii, and I will not stand for it.
So i mentioned that I was not going to leave her here, in a very calm, mature fashion. I told mom i didn't want to start an arguement with her over it, and that I was miserable on the last trip to GULF SHORES because she was left behind. (really, I cried the ENTIRE way there and only stopped when we had to get out of the car.)
Mom looks at me, and tells me hell no. In those words.
Then, I ask why she's so dead set on me not bringing her. She tells me that if I put her in one of those bags, she'll get broken. 
My response it to tell her that I was planning on bringing her as a Carry on, and mom FLIPS OUT.
She looks at me and tells me that, "Her 17 year old daughter is not carrying a doll on a plane." and that, "It's just not right. It's too juvenile."

So That leads me to tell her that most of my bjd-peers are women in their 20's and up. Well, that does nothing. So I ask her if she is embarrased or ashamed of me because of Kana.

And she tells me, "yes". She is ashamed and embarrassed of me because I treasuer Kana as much as I do.

Which of course, leads me to start off into another more-hysterical crying fit than before.

Finally, I wore her down to the point that I was almost yelling at her. (which I never do.). But she, at last, submitted to the fact that I was getting Kana on the plane, whether she liked it or not. So I'm going to have to pack Kana in my carry on bag, full of pillows and protective items to keep her safe. Under the condition that if Kana is "Damaged", as mom put it, I am to not UTTER one word about it. If she even has to hear Kana's name over the spanse of that week, she swears she will, "Lose it".

It has not been a happy weekend for anyone, has it?

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sorry kids [18 Aug 2007|11:07pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

I'm running off of 4 hours of sleep right now....and I can feel that my body is tired, which means a good bit of my mental sanity is gone. Which can most likely account for these rants.

I know I have a doll journal for this exact reason, but I'm too lazy to actually change over to B-L...

So I casually mentioned to mom how much stress I was under ((because she's been going ON about HAWAII and how I NEED TO GET READY ASAP, even though it's a good two months away.)). And I've been under a bit of confused-stress lately in the doll world. I've just been wanting them all lately, in my own greedy fashion. Saia, for the moment, is out of the question on the attainable-meter. ((production problems off in China with the artist and studio. One girl's been waiting 6 months now... and that scares me.))
So that leaves me with 
Mika ($575), 
Ruri ($200-and something. Character undeveloped.)
Lottie ($260 +Shipping. Character specifics undeveloped. Story Defined.)
and Delilah ($550, thanks to free shipping until oct.1)

((my other SD boy, Arakumi, has temporarily been put on hold, due to the fact that he is being very specific about his resin form))

All of which have been haunting me. Mika and Delilah more than anyone else.

Delilah is a sweetheart. Sickly, and emotionally vulnerable when it comes to Mika. He loves her, even though She's in love with his older brother, Arakumi.

Mika is the random, adorable, innocent-esque girl who is a nephilim. Part Angel ((although she doesn't know it...)) She falls for an upper level demon, Arakumi.

Those are their profiles in short form. SOO much has been left out.

Back on topic though, I was talking to mom about it, and talking about how I was going to pay for half of one of these two. When she heard that she would be paying half, and I  would be paying half, she freaked out, of course. She doesn't understand that these resin forms are so much more than dolls for me. So she pulled out the college card. As many of you know from a few entries back, I have been GREATLY worried and guilty about my addictive doll hobby and it's effects on everything. So of course, I go into a crying fit, because I feel so selfish and stupid, and angry at her because she just doesn't understand... And everything turned awkward so I, of course, feld upstairs to the safety of my room and curled up with Kana on my bed.

another point:
I haven't gone shopping out of an unnecessary need for a year. No clothing splurges on Livy. In the past 5 months, I've probably gotten 4, maybe 6 new shirts. One new skirt. And that's all folks. I don't like spending money, because I feel like that money could be going to me doll....and my dolls come before me. They're almost like my children, but Their characters are all over than me.


-I miss JESSIBELLE...But I don't know when to call you! >.< My jessie-is-at-mom's-house-or-dad's-house chart is all screwed up...
-My schedule is completely fixed, so no more stress.
- I'm going to Maui and Oahu In the middle of october. It will be my first plane trip, and trip out of the Mainland of the states.
         -------Mom and i are constantly fighting wheter Kana is coming or not. She is, because there is no way in HELL I am leaving her here. I'd be an emotional wreck, literally.
-Stephanie and mom are at each other's throat because mom feels that steph isn't paying her enough attention.
         -------which means mom and I are at odds because she's trying to put me in stephanie's place.
-Junior year is okay, so far.
-boys still suck more than anything else.
        ------except for Toshiya. I still wuv his little crack-whore self. ((And Ruki, but don't tell Jessie because she will tease me.>> -Just Kidding. I'm going to get teased anyway-))
-Marine Biology means setting up a fish tank.
         ------- I will have a weather Loach named Toshiya.

*features of the weather loach*
-can sense hurricanes and they begin to swim all over the place and freak out.
- can grow up to a foot long.
---Can survive outside their tank overnight with no ill response ((they create a mucus coat over their skin.))
-Love to be pet, and handled inside the tank. 
-aren't easy to kill
- are usually highly emotive, and are prone to being inquisitive.

Water Loach = Perfect fish to be named Toshiya.

-.....I think that's about it.

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someone talk to me I'm getting stressed out again. [31 Jul 2007|10:20pm]
[ mood | stressed ]


ARG. I can't stay UN-stressed can I? Of course not.

So I picked up like 4 schedule change sheets. because I need to change 4 classes. obviously.

Well, I didn't have time/patience/ experience/a pen to fill out the sheet and hand it in. So I figured, "What the hell, I'll just fill it out later and get mom to fax it for me."

Yeah. NOT the smartest moment of my illustrious career.

can anyone help here? I'm so damn confused! (Do I put more than one class on a sheet? And why underneath the block columns the numbers are 1, 3, 5, and 7? What the fuck is that all about?)

Do you guys think they'll still take it if I just fax it in?

God, I can't do belles. I just CAN'T.

I love the class but there is too much drama, and I really want a Drama - free year. PLEASE dear god, let it all be okay.

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Schedule.. [31 Jul 2007|03:54pm]
[ mood | okay ]

ok .

First Semester
1. English 11 Hr. -Barbosa!! <3
2. ADV. Chorus - Smith (Subject to change.
3. Marine Biology 1 Hr. - Fincher
4.Spanish 1 - Otano (bleck.)

Second Semester 
1.ADV. Chorus - Smith (subject to change)
2. Southern Fiction - Collins. (Hell no. getting changed.
3.Algebraic connections (also subject to change)
4. US Hy 1877 - Present Hr. - WILLMANN!!!! <3

Changes to be made (hopefully)
Both of the chorus classes will be changed to art 4 and 5 (since they fucked up my schedule and CANCELED my art classes!! *rawr*)
Southern fiction goes to WOMEN in LITERATURE!!

also, I made a new friend in the registration line, named Emily H. who just moved in from Ohio. Madeline, I think (okay, I KNOW) she's in your homeroom...help her if you can you guys, she seems sweet.

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on another note... [30 Jul 2007|11:37pm]
[ mood | crazy ]


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Registration. [30 Jul 2007|10:39pm]
[ mood | amused ]


Right now, I want everyone to respond with the time they are going to be there tomorrow.

I'm curious what everyone is going to do *crosses fingers that someone has her same classes this year*

I love you guys. <3

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I think I'm updating this more for myself than anything else. [28 Jul 2007|05:29pm]
[ mood | sad ]

another, "I'm not feeling quite right today," post. Head's up.

I just mentally reviewed the things I've done with my friends over the summer...You want to know what I came up with?


not one thing.

Not with anyone, not even jesshibelle.

ALBEIT, This summer has been....a bit of horrid, scary, worrysome, and stressful. With Poppie's stroke, going up to Birmingham and steph coming down here and weddings and babies...

but I haven't done anything with any of my friends. I haven't talked to most of you since I got out of school and it makes me sick to think about it.

So somethings couldn't be avoided, but I still feel awful about spending everyday by myself at home, doing relatively nothing, and speaking to no one until 10-12 at night when Jess and I spend about 4-6 hours talking.

I miss you guys, so I'm really looking forward to see everyone when school starts. But (And I can't believe I'm actually typing this. Way to personal than I usually get. Which may signify a problem....) I'm also afraid to face most of you guys and the rest of my friends because I haven't seen or spoken to anyone all summer and I feel like a horrible person because of it.

Sorry for exposing my inner workings on Lj guys. 

I hope everyone can forgive me for being socially awkward and keeping everyone at an arms length even though I want to open up to everyone. 

<3, Livy.

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omg.. [23 Jul 2007|03:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So after I traumatizing night of restringing Kana, and finishing repainting her face, I am DONE!!!

I do wish that It wasn't so overcast today because it's hard to take pictures when the light isn't that good...But I want to because she's so smexy. X3

But I put her down on my bed and left the door open because Chelsea (my dog) is afraid of thunderstorms and just even the very CHANCE of it raining outside. So went on to straighten up a bit and hung up my laundry, when I hear the distinct sound of  a ball joint moving in resin..

I look over and see Gabby on my bed..


So I freaked out, picked Gabby up and tossed her over to the door, where she promptly ran out and I slammed the door to keep the rest of the creatures out...

Thankfully, Kana was not hurt and no resin was harmed, but It still freaked me out to no end.

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wow..so not paying attention to this Lj. [16 Jul 2007|10:42pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Sorry to anyone who happens to be reading this! It's been a good bit of time, considering I'm giving Bloodylucy the primary attention. I've had a very...heavy day, I suppose you could say.

I got my "Official" license in the mail today. I was really excited at first, but It died down almost immediately.

I've also been given a special job...Spend up to $800 on a dress on eBay. Yes, you read correctly, $800 on a dress. A wedding dress by Melissa Sweet to be exact. And before anyone starts freaking out with, "OMG, WTH ARE YOU DOING!!!" It's for my Sister. 
She fell in love with this dress at the bridal boutique up in Birmingham, but the damned thing is $4,000 dollars!!! But she found the exact same dress on eBay starting at $500 and I'm supposed to bid on it tomorrow. 

But besides that, I've been very hard on myself today. I feel so guilty for wanting my doll..my saia.. and for needing a car, and mom is going to get my a class ring which is a good $300 there.... It sucks so much because I know she also has to pay for Steph's wedding too...
I need a job. But I can't get a job without a car...(and I need to grow some damned people skills)

Right now my doll wishlist looks as such...

Abio Angel Yi (Saia) - $290
Delf Soony(Yue or Jia Di) - $110 for the head...plus $200+ for the body..
Dolkot Abel ( Arakumi?) - $550 

It's so much money...but I love them so much, how could I give them up?

People just don't understand how these dolls are...
they develop "Souls" of sorts...They become Alive, with their background stories and personalities, they aren't really just "Dolls" to us. They become like people. I've grown so close to Kana...I can't imagine being without her, and as I develop these characters i feel like I'm getting to know them.
It's like this for most, if not all, bjd owners...

Call me crazy, but I love them. But I feel so guilty for loving them...

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I SAW HARRY POTTER!! [13 Jul 2007|09:30pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I went with my mum today. ^^ It was really good. I liked it a lot..

And I find it HILARIOUS that both me and mum were focused on how short Harry/Daniel was compared to the other boys. Ron is UBER tall in comparison. 

Fred and George are still as ADORABLE as ever. And Draco, while being my long time Potter love, is seeming less and less appealing with each movie. : / 
His looks were so promising when he was a child. Oh well, I still wuv him.

btw, I want to see the Golden Compass really badly.

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Got my driver's license. [03 Jul 2007|11:32pm]
[ mood | blank ]

yeah. I got it. I was number 57, and we (me and steph) got there about at number 30. Luckily, about 13 people left before us. So luckily, it only took up about 40 minutes. It could have been worse. 

and I took a good picture. Which makes me SO happy considering the UGLY picture on my permit.

I'm tired. So I'm making this short.

Happy 4th everyone. Even though mine will be aweful.

Let's hope that the redneck neighbors I have across the street ruin their fireworks. (I don't CARE HOW. JUST MAKE THEM STOP.)

^ Explination for that statement is....

My Shetland Sheepdog Chelsea is petrified of loud noises outside. And she starts flipping out every time she hears even the slightest pop outside, and then she starts barking and jumping on doors...so none of my family will sleep..

Oh, and to reassure that my 4th is going to suck...

My grandfather is bringing Pearl...his ho/girlfriend/complete and utter annoyance with him....

I better get some damn sparklers out of this...>.<

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Emo rant. [01 Jul 2007|06:32pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

I love my sister. I really do. But sometimes I hate when she's around me and mom. Just because of the fact I could wander off and get kidnapped and I doubt my mom would notice because "stephanie's home" or "we're visiting stephanie". And worse yet, mom always compares me to her more when she's home. like, If I'm doing something, she'll correct me because I'm not doing it the way stephanie does it. And she wants nothing to do with me. She tells me to, "go up in my cave."

When me and mom were in the car today (just us. Steph was getting cigarettes), I looked at her and seriously and asked her if she wished I was more like stephanie. She told me, "of course not. I want you to be just the way you are." But the worst part was that I felt like she was lying to me.

And let's not forget the fun she has at my expense. Mom and Steph are just LAUGHING it up that I care for Kana as much as I do. THAT of all things pisses me off. Especially when I worked my ASS off last week and Steph starts joking around about how mom SHOULDN'T have to pay me. She knows I'm going to be upset, especially when I'm so close to ordering Saia.

But you know what?

I haven't been paid.

Not one dime.

For the past month. 

And she's pinning all of my irritation, and anger, and borderline depression on the fact that my hormones are screwed to hell. Which I'm sure plays a bit of a part here, but that doesn't mean I still don't FEEL these things. Either way, she said that she was going to make an appointment with Dr. Stella ( My "Girly" doctor who handles all of these hormone problems.) So that she can put me on ANTI - DEPRESSANTS

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X Japan comeback? WTF? [20 Jun 2007|04:51pm]
Ok. Not cool.

Looking at one of my Jrock sites and there is this update, right?

and I see it. and I freak out.


How can everyone make a comeback without hide? YOSHIKI!! *squeal* what the hell is going on? This just doesn't seem right to me. It may be my loyalty to hide, but it still upsets me...
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haha...look what I found! [17 Jun 2007|10:00pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Me: I feel sorry for the poor female lovebug...being dragged around like that...
Jesshi: *laughs* the males have it worse, they die first. Its as soon as the females lay their eggs, the males die...

*our created image*
Male LB: Lets just hold on a little longer...
Female LB:No! I want to lay my eggs NOW!!!
Male: Just a little longer I want to Live!!!
Female: I just want to lay my eggs, so just accept it and die! At least you die knowing our children will live! That is what comforts me...
Male: *cries* I just wanted to get laid.....I didn't ask for this...I just now stopped being a virgin, I can't die yet!!!!

haha...I love going through my old Ljs...

And I'm glad I deleted it. ^^

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The true meaning of sadness. [11 Jun 2007|11:03pm]
[ mood | depressed ]


I'm not going to be able to get my AA Yi head. The bidding went up to $175 and mom said no.

I suppose she has her point, but I was crying my eyes out all day because I wanted him so much. It made me sick to know that someone else would have him.

And I was attacked by a GIGANTIC roach at 12.49am this morning. Ask Jessie. I FLIPPED OUT. It was one of the big, black ones that fly. IN MY ROOM.  But I found said roach's corpse near the back door this morning. Gabby must have enjoyed that greatly.

But now my stomach hurts because I ate a whole mini-pack of rice candies in my depression..

I wanted that head so badly. I'd been watching the auction for two days straight..Not going to bed until I was POSTITIVE that no one would bid while I was asleep. I woke up this morning, checked the listing. No bids.
I get out of my shower. Check again. It's up to $150. I knew then that there was no chance.

It's going to be a lonely week.

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arg. COLLEGE + A lack of Spell Check. [08 Jun 2007|10:21pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Well, mom picked me up from the house today to pick up my painting.  It cost us $50 to get it copied in B&W, which mom obviously had not noted beforehand. Needless to say she was rather displeased when it was in B&W and not in the Sepia tones she had wanted.

But we talked about Stephanie's little "situation". Namely Alan MISSED the deadline to register for nursing school, and won't be able to register again until next spring. WHICH MOM IS PISSED ABOUT.
So I got an entire earfull about that.
And how mom almost said she wasn't going to pay for Stephanie's wedding if Alan WASN'T in nursing school / didn't have an actual career by then.

and that got mom and I talking about how I want to do something that I love, but still need to have a job that will actually let me be able to support myself. Mom and I went over our options.

Journalism (Which is kind of a shot in the dark considering I didn't catch the deadline to apply for the school newspaper....)
English Major (But I'd die as a teacher because I want to MAKE MONEY. And I DO NOT have the patience to deal with children.)

So mom and I decided it would probably be best if I minored in English or Creative writing and went into a job that I wouldn't be completely miserable in. That I could survive in.
So I would need to major in something rather flexible. 

Life is a bitch.

But I did get our books for summer reading. Which are a joke. 3 books.

365 pages combined.

And mom also wants me to ask our counselor or english teachers for next year about any contests or competitions I could enter my writing into. I tried to explain to her how hard it was for me to not delve into my own universe and not create a story that isn't 59876534565086058 pages long.
It's hard to limit myself to short stories. I want to make characters that I can relate to, not just names and people that I'll use once and then forget. That's no fun!

And she also suggested that I try and write a children's book over the summer. 
And illustrate it.

....I told her that if Madonna can do it, I sure as hell Can.

So going to hell...

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